God is faithful even when I am not.
The problem here is that there is always work to be done. Always. There is never a time when "ministry" is finished. It's 24/7.
Have I been busy? You bet.
Do I need to blog more? Um, yes sir.
Do I need to send out a newsletter? Yep.
Do I need to do a better job of fundraising? Always.
Have I told God that His ideas are dumb? Everyday without fail.
But you know what? God is faithful.
He cares about me. He cares about you. He has a plan for my life. He has a plan for your life. He loves me. He loves you.
Even in the smallest of details. He is faithful.
And He shows me that on a daily basis here.
It may sound weird to you, but one of the biggest annoyances of being here so far, is the clearly-plotted, massively-irritating, systematically-oppressive, dark-and-nasty, sincere-and-honest lack of pens.
That's right you heard me... pens. Africa is like a barren wasteland of adequate writing utensils. The guy at customs actually asked my brother, who was coming through customs, to borrow a pen. It's like that.
Pens here are expensive. They are sold individually instead of in a pack. People steal them. They are cheaply made and break easily. They run out of ink after one day. Sometimes they only look like pens but turn out to be pencils... you get my drift. I never knew just how good I had it in the good ole US of A. The States are like a pen heaven compared to here.
You would think that regular people in regular circumstances would take this minor inconvenience in stride, but not me. Normal is not how I roll. I had a major-freak-out-melt-down-wanna-quit-and-go-home-episode over black ball point pens.
I know, it's hard to relate, but black ball point pens just make my day go better. If you can try to see it from my point of view, I'm trying to keep 20 patients alive all by myself, cure AIDS, save souls and fix the world all day long wearing sensible shoes and scrubs. It's not like I'm asking for much here people!
A pen is just a vital part of my job. Meds have to be given at scheduled times and records have to show that. Symptoms have to be reported to the doctor. Important phone numbers for family members to be contacted have to be written down. Vital signs have to be documented. Nursing is kind of an endless system of writing.
But you know what? Jesus knows what I need. And I'm not just talking about pens. He provides.
I had been holding all this pent-up-pen-related angst inside of me, telling myself that it was fine if I spend 2 wasted hours a day searching every nook and cranny of Living Hope looking for something to write with... and yes, LH co-workers I have been through your desk drawers, and I'm not sorry about it... lives were at stake people!
I just kept figuring that someday this problem would eventually work itself out. Maybe someone would just miraculously drop down from heaven hundred of black ball point pens without me asking for them....
And you know what? Someone did.
At a friends house the other night after dinner, as I was leaving, she asked me out-of-the-blue if I could use a whole bunch of pens since they were moving.
"What?!? PENS?!?! Are you serious!?!"
She proceeded to produce box after box of unopened black ball point pens. Like hundreds of them. I felt like I was in a real life musical where everyone was about to break into a spontaneously-coordinated-magical-joy-filled-pen song that celebrated the greatness that was my new found ability to document in black ink.
But instead I cried. Over pens. I kid you not.
I see His faithfulness in pens.
He knows my heart. He sees my need.
He is faithful.
And sometimes the stories are bigger. This week alone, so many friends testified to God's goodness to them...
$1000 checks get put in the mail.
Someone donates their time and talents to provide for a missionary family that needs it.
Plane tickets get bought.
Computers get donated.
Housing is provided.
Is it hard? Yes. But He is faithful.
Do I struggle? You bet. But He is faithful.
Do I sometimes want to give up? Yes. But He is faithful.
I am truly carried by His constant grace.
Never once have I ever walked alone. Never once has He left me on my own. He is faithful.
God you are faithful.
This made me love you more (if that's possible). Seriously, you know my love of pens, so I can only imagine your frustration. So glad you've got some now :)
love this. love it love it love it. i can just hear your voice through all of it. thanks for your transparency, your heart, but most of all for pointing me to jesus.