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God is faithful even when I am not.

The problem here is that there is always work to be done. Always. There is never a time when "ministry" is finished. It's 24/7.

Have I been busy? You bet.

Do I need to blog more? Um, yes sir.

Do I need to send out a newsletter? Yep.

Do I need to do a better job of fundraising? Always.

Have I told God that His ideas are dumb? Everyday without fail.

But you know what? God is faithful.

He cares about me. He cares about you. He has a plan for my life. He has a plan for your life. He loves me. He loves you.


It may sound weird to you, but one of the biggest annoyances of being here so far, is the clearly-plotted, massively-irritating, systematically-oppressive, dark-and-nasty, sincere-and-honest lack of pens.

That's right you heard me... pens. Africa is like a barren wasteland of adequate writing utensils. The guy at customs actually asked my brother, who was coming through customs, to borrow a pen. It's like that.

Pens here are expensive. They are sold individually instead of in a pack. People steal them. They are cheaply made and break easily. They run out of ink after one day. Sometimes they only look like pens but turn out to be pencils... you get my drift. I never knew just how good I had it in the good ole US of A. The States are like a pen heaven compared to here.

You would think that regular people in regular circumstances would take this minor inconvenience in stride, but not me. Normal is not how I roll. I had a major-freak-out-melt-down-wanna-quit-and-go-home-episode over black ball point pens.

I know, it's hard to relate, but black ball point pens just make my day go better. If you can try to see it from my point of view, I'm trying to keep 20 patients alive all by myself, cure AIDS, save souls and fix the world all day long wearing sensible shoes and scrubs. It's not like I'm asking for much here people!

A pen is just a vital part of my job. Meds have to be given at scheduled times and records have to show that. Symptoms have to be reported to the doctor. Important phone numbers for family members to be contacted have to be written down. Vital signs have to be documented. Nursing is kind of an endless system of writing.

But you know what? Jesus knows what I need. And I'm not just talking about pens. He provides.

I had been holding all this pent-up-pen-related angst inside of me, telling myself that it was fine if I spend 2 wasted hours a day searching every nook and cranny of Living Hope looking for something to write with... and yes, LH co-workers I have been through your desk drawers, and I'm not sorry about it... lives were at stake people!

I just kept figuring that someday this problem would eventually work itself out. Maybe someone would just miraculously drop down from heaven hundred of black ball point pens without me asking for them....

And you know what? Someone did.

At a friends house the other night after dinner, as I was leaving, she asked me out-of-the-blue if I could use a whole bunch of pens since they were moving.

"What?!? PENS?!?! Are you serious!?!"

She proceeded to produce box after box of unopened black ball point pens. Like hundreds of them. I felt like I was in a real life musical where everyone was about to break into a spontaneously-coordinated-magical-joy-filled-pen song that celebrated the greatness that was my new found ability to document in black ink.

But instead I cried. Over pens. I kid you not.

I see His faithfulness in pens.

He knows my heart. He sees my need.

He is faithful.

And sometimes the stories are bigger. This week alone, so many friends testified to God's goodness to them...

$1000 checks get put in the mail.

Someone donates their time and talents to provide for a missionary family that needs it.

Plane tickets get bought.

Computers get donated.

Housing is provided.

Is it hard? Yes. But He is faithful.

Do I struggle? You bet. But He is faithful.

Do I sometimes want to give up? Yes. But He is faithful.

I am truly carried by His constant grace.

Never once have I ever walked alone. Never once has He left me on my own. He is faithful.

God you are faithful.

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Can you tell I've been working a lot? I'm still learning how to work hard and keep my blog updated at the same time. Thanks for being so patient with me.

We have a full house in our in-patient unit right now and they have definitely been keeping me on my toes.

Running around in fact.

20 patients. 1 nurse. Whew.

Believe it or not, most of our patients do really well after coming to stay with us. In fact, nearly 80% of our HIV clients leave the health care center and resume normal life, taking their ARV medications and hopefully living long, full, healthy lives for years to come.

But the 20% that linger on for months on end in the health care center, never getting better, are the ones that really break your heart. The ones for whom you know that there is little earthly hope.

And you are the one beside them as they die.

It's a painful privilege. A joy-heavy burden.

A privilege to have known them. A privilege to serve in any way you can.

It just makes it hard sometimes to leave "work" at work. Sometimes I would just rather not leave at 7 when my shift is over. When they capture your heart, they tend to stay on your mind.

I've got two patients that I dearly love that are going down the long slow way out in the next few weeks, and I admitted a grown woman today that only weighs 55 pounds. Fifty five pounds. She's just skin over bones with a beautiful face. I spent most of my day wondering how I could stuff her full of more fat and calories.

Worry doesn't begin to cover how I feel tonight.

Pray for all 21 of us in the house, will you?

I need you. They need you.

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One of the nurses' aids that I work with dropped a bomb on me today in the middle of our ward rounds. Off-handed and super casually she tells me that she left her ARV's at home today by accident and that she needs me to get her a few tablets out of our emergency spare stock of ARV's.

ARV's... meaning the medication that treats HIV.

Meaning that she had just told me that she has HIV.

"What? You need me to get you what?" I thought maybe I had misunderstood.

"ARV's... I left mine at home and I need them."

No big deal to her. She just needed some spare medication.

She just told me she has a life ending disease. That's all.

I cried the whole way to the cabinet to get the meds out of the spare box.

"Lord, no. Not one of my own. It can't be. Are you kidding me? No. How does this happen? What am I supposed to do about it?"

Someone I love. Someone I care about. Someone who has a six year old daughter.

Someone I work with side-by-side every single day.

We share space and meals and time together. We hold hands and pray together. We laugh together. We read the paper together. We talk about TV and hairstyles and other meaningless things all day long.

And now this. This news in the middle of everything.

This is serious. Really serious.

Her profession is to care for people eveyday that have HIV. She watches them die of it's complications all the time and yet, she is sick herself.

After all that she does for others, she has to do for herself.

After all of the care she invests in others, she has to care for herself.

1 in 3 South Africans are infected with HIV.

I guess it just hurts more when it's the one that belongs to you.

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I recently had to answer the following questions for an online interview and thought you might enjoy!

How did you first hear about Living Hope?
My church back home in Tennessee, has a longstanding partnership with Living Hope. Many of our members haved serve at Living Hope in the past and each of them brought back stories of how God was working at Living Hope. God used my church to stir the calling He had already placed in my heart for missions and to show me how I could contribute the mission of Living Hope.


How long have you been in South Africa? 6 months


Where are you from originally? Nashville, TN


Why South Africa? South Africa has the highest HIV infection rate of any country in the world. It also has more deaths from HIV than any other country in the world. I knew I wanted to serve in an area of great need, and South Africa has a great need. Here I get to use my nursing skills to their greatest capacity.

Why Living Hope? After six long years of praying, seeking and researching Christian non-profits in the healthcare field, I knew LH was the right fit for me. Not only did I feel that God was very specifically calling me to Living Hope, but I also felt very confident in the way that Living Hope does ministry. Living Hope is based on transformational development. It's focus is to bring people to Christ, so that they can transform and develop their own community. It's grassroots, it's wholistic and it's evangelistic.

Describe your role within Living Hope.  I work as a full time staff nurse in our small 22 bed hospital. I'm just like a regular nurse in the States except for now I work with HIV/TB patients who live in extreme poverty.
What is the biggest challenge? I find it's just as difficult to share Christ here in Africa as it was at home. Moving to Africa doesn't give you "magical" missionary power to bring people to Christ. So I'm still seeking, still praying and still waiting on the Lord for those opportunities.

The biggest joy? I love seeing the results of getting a patient on HIV treatment. Once the anti-HIV medications start kicking in, it's amazing to watch people gain weight, see the color come back into their faces and watch strength come back into their limbs. They start to sit-up and eat, and smile at the people around them, and LAUGH and SING. And even more than their physical health improving, when they accept Christ, I see HOPE come back into their eyes. I've seen first hand how having Christ in a patient's life can transform their whole being. Patients that were once withdrawn, depresssed, angry and passive can change in a instant, being filled with joy, out-going and overflowing with love. It's beautiful to witness.

What has God shown you throughout your experience with Living Hope? That He is faithful. This is His ministry not mine. He is always at work, and I'm just choosing to join Him in it.


What advice do you have for people interested in long-term missions?
Pray, pray, pray, and then pray some more. Read all you can about missions and missionaries. Take a missions class. And then get ready. God is up to something big.


What’s your vision for the future of your department? Too see life and health restored both physically and spiritually to the people we serve.