Are you ever tempted to think you and Jesus are on good terms? Do you feel like you've done enough for Jesus today and you should rest and get a gold star for good behavior? Do you feel like you deserve to live life on spiritual cruise control?

Let me stop here and say, that if I ever think I'm doing well on my spiritual journey, someone please re-read Luke 17:7-10 to me. See below and read with caution:

Jesus said: “When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’? No, he says, ‘Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.’ And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, ‘We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.’”

In my response to reading this scripture, alot of excuses come to mind. "But, Lord, I had a good attitude today at work. I worked as if it were unto you. I served the least of these. I kept my mouth in check. I didn't lose my temper. I resisted that temptation. I exhibited the fruits of the Spirit. I kept the Ten Commandments. Don't I "deserve" a break? Aren't you going to tell me "well done"?

"No? You're not? You said I was SUPPOSED to do all those things? You own me? You paid a price for my loyalty?"

The Official Translation of Amy Helms: God does NOT owe me or you ANYTHING. Anything I do for Him is a small repayment for His sacrifice for me. I need to realize that I am forever in God’s debt and understand that I still have work to do, no matter how long or hard you or I have been working for the Lord.

David Guzniak says, "This is why it is so important for Bible teachers to emphasize what the Bible itself emphasizes - what God has done for us. When we realize all that God has done for us in Jesus, we want to serve Him out of gratitude. When our hearts are right, we live and act as if we are happy to have the privilege of being allowed to serve God. We only think that we are better than others are when we look to man, not Jesus. Every Christian is a "super-Christian" in Jesus. Truly spiritually mature believers will not be proud or arrogant about their spiritual "level."'

Matthew Henry says: "Whatever we do in the service of Christ, we must be very humble, and not imagine that we can merit any favour at his hand. We are all God’s servants, and, as servants, are bound to do all we can for his honour. Our whole strength and our whole time are to be employed for him; for we are not our own, nor at our own disposal, but at our Master’s. As God’s servants, it becomes us to fill up our time with duty; we ought to make the end of one service the beginning of another. When we have been working for God, still we must be waiting on God, waiting on him continually. Our principal care here must be to do the duty, and leave it to our Master to give us the comfort of it, when and how he thinks fit. Christ was among his disciples as one that served, and came not, to be ministered unto, but to minister; witness his washing his disciples’ feet."

Paul says: If anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. (Galatians 6:3-4)

Whew. Stop and take that in for just a minute...

And then get back to the work He has for you.

Do you ever stick your foot in your mouth and say the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time? I sure do. A lot. Like once a day. Everyday. Twice already this morning.

My prayers as of late, have been for God to make me desperate for his Word and to keep me humble. Be careful what you pray for. Desperation may come at your own expense. Humility usually comes from circumstances that we wouldn't willingly put ourselves in. As usual, God just doesn't GIVE us the characteristics we want; He gives us opportunities and experiences to LEARN how those qualities work and what they look like. I have suddenly become really desperate for God's Word, not because God miraculously answered my prayer, but because of how badly I have needed truth and guidance in the midst of my circumstances. I've suddenly become more humble, because that is the only response I could muster in the face of my own shame.

So what should our response be, when by our own actions, we manage to find ourselves greatly humbled? Or greatly shamed? Or guilty of prideful moments?

David comes to mind as a man in the Bible that struggled with this issue. A great king made from humble beginnings. Sometimes he served God with wholehearted devotion, other times he did what he wanted to do, with disastrous consequences.

From my selected reading of Psalms 38-66, here is the official translation of Amy regarding David's thoughts on what we should do when facing situations like his:

1. Recognize that guilt sucks. It was eating David alive. It was making him literally, physically sick. In my mind, that's what's called conviction. Learn to listen to it. By ignoring our built-in, spiritual, check-engine light, we only make it worse for ourselves later. See Psalm 38:4 "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden to heavy to bear."

2. Beg God (a lot) to hear our prayers of our need for him. See Psalm 38: 21 "Lord, do not forsake me, be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior."

3. Ask for forgiveness. See Psalm 51: 10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

4. Now rest. Breathe. Move on. Praise. God heard you. See Psalm 66: 19-20 "But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me."

God used my sinful moment to teach me something about me. To sharpen my character. To train my mind and my tongue, and I'm really glad He did. I needed it. So, I'm going to keep praying the same prayers, and just try to tread a bit more lightly....

More to come...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just got home from the weekly missions staff meeting at my church and got to share with the Missions Team a bit more about my trip and what kinds of things I'll be doing at Living Hope.

Generally, they start the staff meeting with a time of devotion. This morning one of them shared from Luke Chapter 9. With sixty plus verses this chapter is jammed packed with stories. A very "busy" chapter if you will. Kim framed her story by sharing that a dear friend of hers recently passed away, in the midst a very busy season for Kim. When Kim heard that her friend had become ill, she had every good intention of reaching out to this person with words of encouragement, but time got away from her and she very tragically did not get to speak with her friend before he passed. What heartbreak Kim is now experiencing in the wake of losing her friend and longing for that chance again to speak to him.

I was so grateful Kim shared her story and her strong words of encouragement with the rest of us, to not waste a moment. Kim's words were a clear message to me to be obedient to what God is telling me to do, no matter the circumstances I currently am facing. Here's the passage from Luke 9: 60-62 in The Message that she shared:

Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home." Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."

Honestly, it makes sense for me to delay going to South Africa. Is anyone ever really READY to leave? It seems my "to-do" lists are never ending. I will always need more money. I could always use more time with my friends. Another time in my life might make more sense...

But God's word says it all. No procrastination. You can't put if off until tomorrow. Seize the day.

Do it.

So this is a video from the Jan 23, 2011, Sunday morning worship service at my church, Brentwood Baptist. If you skip forward to minute 29:00 you can see what I had to say about South Africa! Short and sweet!

Headlamp. So sue me. I'm from Colorado. Safety and preparedness run in my veins.



Wool socks. No central heating and no carpet = freakin cold floors in SA. Thank you Emily Borders for the advice.






Contact solution. It's cheaper here, than there, so I bought a lot!



Lots of framed photos, so I can remember how much I love you all.




Good nursing shoes. It's like the difference between life and death. To my feet that is.




Two "woobies" or blankies or whatever you call them. My Dad gave me one of them, so it's special, and the other one is made out of this amazing sweater material. Hello, lover...





Your prayers.


My Jesus Story Book Bible. If you don't have one, GET one. You need it. I need it. Everyone needs it.



My new Mac Book. I have no idea how to use it yet, but I got a great deal on it! And now, I actually have all the letters that should be on a keyboard, my computer doesn't shut off from over-heating every ten seconds, and the screen stays in the full, upright and locked position. I'm easy to please people.


More books than I care to admit.

"George Thomas Kensington the Bear the First." My faithful bed-buddy since Jan-term 2001. Sorry bud. No room for you in the suitcase. When you get to the attic, don't listen to the Velveteen Rabbit. He tells lies.






My Vicks Vapor-Rub Warm-Mist Humidifier, a.k.a "Eva". How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I literally can't breathe without you, you tall slender wonder of white molded plastic.




That's it for now! Stay tuned for my adventures in packing!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know that this blog is supposed to be your way of keeping up with me, and mostly comprised of my stories, but you can't keep up with me unless you are also keeping up with what God is teaching me. It's a my heart is connected to His heart kinda thing. So from time to time (or as of late, most of the time) I'll be posting just a little of what I'm learning along the way. Here's another great excerpt from a devotional I'm reading this year:



I don't know about you, but that speaks very loudly and clearly to my heart. It was truth I needed to hear today and a lesson I need to keep learning.


God with you today & Love to all,
Ames

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The time is always right to do what is right.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Side note: Honestly, I really don't know that much about Martin Luther King Jr, which is sad. I guess I missed that part in high school history class. It was only in college, after my good friend Jena took a month long train tour of the South called Injustice Across America, that I started to hear rumblings about this great man. Maybe I should have paid more attention, since we celebrate a national holiday in his honor and all! From what I've read, I really enjoy a lot of what he has to say. And there is a lot of his material out there! I know I have more books that I can possibly read at the moment, but I think I'll be adding his biography or autobiography to my list of reads. Recommendations appreciated!

So what's in it for me? Let's be honest, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think anything good would come out of it along the way! My hope and prayer is that some very tangible things and some intangible things will be gained from this experience.

Here's what I think I'd like to walk away with.

• A desperate hunger for God's Word. In reality, we all know that God's word is our daily bread, but sometimes it gets a little lost in the hustle and bustle. I know that I'm going to need that sustaining wisdom and power like I never have before.
• A greater daily dependence on the Lord and His provision. Too often, I depend on me to get me through each day. Since I'm way in over my head here, my only option is to learn to turn to Him first for my day to day needs.   
• Better communication skills. How can I talk honestly with patients that are dying? How can I share my faith candidly and without hesitation? Do I allow the Holy Spirit to speak through me?
• Career experience. I'm fairly certain that in my nursing career I never want to be far from the poor, the sick and the dying. Jesus never was and I'm taking that as a hint. I hope that I gain valuable nursing skills that allow me to continue to serve this special group of people for a long time.
• Travel! Who doesn't love a bit of adventure every now and then?
• I've never lived by myself. I'm more than slightly an extrovert, and hugely an external processor, so loneliness may be something I have to fight. I'm hoping the quiet time pushes me into the Bible more and more.  
• And lastly, for effectiveness in ministry resulting in salvation. Statistically, only one in seven North Americans has ever shared their faith with someone outside their family. That probably includes me if you are counting actual salvations resulting from anything I've said or done. I'd like to see that change.

Thanks for holding me accountable to these things and for praying through them with me. It's going to be a crazy ride! Thanks for traveling along this road with me! Love to all!

People keep asking me that question and the answer seems so complicated sometimes. I get confused on where to start. I don't know how much to tell them. But in my mind, it's rather simple, because it needs to be done.

Because I can do it.

Because I have lived far too long in far too much comfort.

Because suffering sucks.

Because I care.

Because God loves all of us.

Because no one else is doing it right now.

Because God has gifted me with talents and time and resources and education.

Because it makes me cry.

Because I can't think of a single good reason not to.

Because I want to.

Because by loving the least of these I am loving God.

Because the Gospel really is GOOD NEWS worth telling.

Because HIV is preventable and treatable.

Because God said so.

Because God called me to.

I read this tonight while settling into bed after a day spent worrying about everything. Deep breath. You can do this. Take heart.

"I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to Me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask my Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."

Jan 6th Excerpt From "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

That is the Academy of the group of people that have ministered to me in big and small ways over the last couple of months/years and for all the ways that I know they will continue to support me.

To Wendi- For the ministry of dishwashing and for being the first to give financially to my cause. And for your face :)

To Jena & James- For the ministry of lasting friendship, for pursuing dreams, for opening my eyes and for paving the way to Africa

To Scott Harris- For the ministry of excitement and faith when I didn't have it for myself and for making it happen.

To Arica - For the ministry of pumpkin muffins and jewelry selling to finance the kingdom.

To Meredith- For the ministry of God's Word in my life, for honesty and boldness in all circumstances, for introducing me to Missy, and for a passion of exacted excellence in life.

To MAB- For the ministry of providing sanity, putting up with my insanity and for perspective in all circumstances.

To Kaylan- For the ministry of  unconditional love, for heart to heart story sharing and for Dolly Parton. She's all the rage...

To Jerry & RaDonna- For the ministry of spiritual parenting and prayer.

To Emily- For introducing me to missions, for the ministry of  high expectations, for four hour Skype dates, for unlimited wisdom and for courage via osmosis.

To Casey- For the ministry of insane fact-finding, angsty musical arrangements, cross-continental passions, for making me do the dang thing and for daily harrassment encouragement.

To Aaron Bryant- For the ministry of writing 12 billion pastoral recommendations, driving to Egypt and back to get coffee flavored ice cream and for shepherding my walk with great understanding and patience.

To Amy Bryant- For the ministry of the Holy Spirit by just being you, for hot dogs and brownies with ice cream, and for Russell Crowe...

To Silas & Isaiah Bryant- For the ministry of dance parties, Star Wars helmets, and Shnarky Who Pants Who

To Becky Gross- For the ministry of coffee and honesty

To Audi- For the ministry of asking "Why not?" For dreaming and discovery in our lives, for your testimony of walking hard roads, for being my forever roommate, and for P&P, Bright Star & King Arthur.

To my Momma- For the ministry of everyday phone calls and for self-sacrifice in the face of losing her husband and daughter overseas at the exact same time :)

To my Daddy- For the ministry of adventure, unlimited possibilities and for protecting my right to speak the name of Jesus anywhere and anytime I please.

To My Brother Ben- For the ministry of fixing my computer and answering really random technological questions at all hours of the night.

To My Brother Dan- For the ministry of deep thinking, long conversations, bicycles and homemade gifts.

To my Grandparents- For the ministry of leading by example from day one and for how much you love me.

To Anna Smothers- For the ministry of getting fired up for the things of God and for your example of prayer.

To Gary Howard- For the ministry of prayer, big thinking and super-duper encouragement.

To Sarah Samuel- For the ministry of prayer and teaching that brings me to tears on a weekly basis.


And to many many more... But since they are playing that music over my speech now, I gotta go! Love to you all...