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Whenever I meet new people these days, I get asked lots of questions. All I have to do is open my mouth and they instantly know that I'm not from here. Most people seem to be extremely confused as to why I am here and how I got here. So they ask, and I tell the story of how am I here working as a nurse, and how my friends and family and church back home give financially to support me while I do this work. More questions usually follow, and one question, by far, gets asked the most... "Don't you miss your family?" Or this..."I can't believe your family let you move all the way to Africa!" And my least favorite statement... "I'm way too close to my family to ever leave home like you did."

While all of these nice people are well-meaning, sometimes their questions miss the whole point of following Christ. It isn't really about whether or not I miss my family or friends or culture. I think the more relevant question to be asked whenever I look at my family is "Why did God give them to me?" How do they fit into God's plan? Why are any of us given any good things in life? And what are we going to do about it?

The answer? Grace. Total undeserved grace. As followers of Christ, all of us have something in our lives that was God's pure and total grace to us. Even those with the toughest of lives have been shown grace by someone, at sometime, in some way. Even if your "only" grace was Christ's death on the cross, you have grace. None of us "deserve" the good life. God didn't have to give me a wonderfully supportive and understanding family, but by His grace, He did. He didn't have to show His love to me through them but He did. He didn't have to use my family to make me a well-rounded whole person, but because of His grace, he did. His grace is sufficient for me. I'm in Africa today, because my family "gets it." They know exactly why it is that I "had" to move, and why it is that God's calling on my life will always be greater than my love for them. Because they raised me that way! They raised me to understand that God's plans come first. They raised my siblings and I to follow God's will for our lives, no matter where that will might lead us, and foreign missions was always a possibility. Even if I never come home again, my family will say it was worth it.

But I'm not here to brag or to compare families. I'm here to find out exactly what is it that I'm supposed to do with the grace I've been given. And my answer? Give it away. Invest it. Use it. Model it. I've been shown grace to show grace.

So let me introduce you to the family that gives me grace to do what I do...

My Dad: why he is God's grace to me... because he has told me every single day of my life, that I am the most beautiful woman in the world (behind my mother of course), that I can do anything I want to do with my life, that he will always love me unconditionally no matter what, and that he supports my decisions 100%. All my life, I've never had to look any further than my Dad for a man to love me and support me. And now that I'm a grown woman, because of what he taught me, I will never have to look any further for the love of a man than Christ.

My Mom: Why she is God's grace to me... because she set out from day one that we were going to be a family that obeyed God's plans no matter what. Because of her very broken childhood, she insisted that there was another way possible and then proceeded to raise us that way. She treated parenting as a calling. It wasn't a chore, a burden or a hardship. It was a joy-filled purpose with an end-goal in mind. She took her job to raise five kids seriously and it was her number one priority every single day. 

My brother Ben: why he is God's grace to me... because he is still in my life. After a serious childhood illness and a serious car wreck two years ago, God has kept him on this earth! And now... because he learned another language, married cross-culturally, works as an interpreter and pastors a deaf church. He models what it is like to truly live life with people who have often been marginalized, and now he calls them friends. 

 

My brother Dan: why he is God's grace to me... because Dan is a deep well. Hardcore into outdoor sports and absolutely hilarious, he can make me pee in my pants with laughter. But mostly because he inspires me with his relentless pursuit of God, and because I know that he prays for me. Dan spends his days working with inter-city youth, building bicycles with young guys, and mentoring them along the way. 

My sister Beth: why she is God's grace to me... because by grace she overcame. In her short thirteen years, she has overcome in-utero cocaine use, hepatitis, fetal alcohol syndrome, and now Chron's disease to be a perfectly normal kid. Beth wakes up with a song in her heart everyday. Happy to be alive, she floats through life without a care in the world. She loves unconditionally and could care less what you or anyone else thinks of her... and that will take her immensely far in the kingdom of God. 

 

Sarah Faith my baby sister: why she is God's grace to me... because God literally gave her to us through adoption. Along with Beth, she was first-hand evidence of how we are given grace to show grace. And because from the day she was born at 1+pound, she fought for her life, despite all circumstances that pointed to another outcome. Winning that fight gave her a strong stubborn streak that keeps her competeting to this day, driving her to be the best. And because underneath that shy exterior is a bright flame of grace-filled purpose waiting to be understood. 

And last, but not least, my grandparents: why they are God's grace to me... Because I knew my whole life that they loved to be with me. They hauled me and my siblings all over creation and back just to spend time with us three kids, and they considered it a privilege. And because they have evidenced their love for the Lord in serving others. They always set an example, and I will be forever grateful. 

So now you know my grace and my responsibility to give grace. It's your turn. 

What is it in your life that has been freely given to you? What do you have that is evidence of God's grace in your life? How will you use it? 

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Where do I begin today? What do I have to tell you? I think gratitude is a good place to start.

To borrow from what the famed Opry radio-star sweetheart, Minnie Pearl, used to say, "I'm jus' so proud to be here!"

And I am proud to be here. The primary emotion I have experienced day after day for 3 months is gratitude. Maybe I'm still in the naive honeymoon phase of my relationship with Africa, where I can overlook the toilet seat left up, and the towel on the floor, and the cap left off the toothpaste, but I think it's more than that. God is working on me, and He is teaching me gratitude. He is changing the conditions of my heart and my natural attitudes. I'm learning to be grateful in every circumstance.

I'm grateful to be living in Africa. I'm grateful for hard life lessons I'm living and learning. Grateful that my prayers were answered after 6 long years. Grateful that I've found my place in the world. Grateful that I'm working at my dream job.

I'm grateful for the tension between who I am, and how far I still have to go. I'm grateful that it's possible to pay rent and eat and still get to do this work. I'm grateful that you believe in me so much, that you would financially support me to do what I do here. I'm grateful for everyday that I wake up excited to carry the responsibility that you have given me and to meet the expectations you have set for me. I'm grateful that you are listening to me, and letting me learn, and letting me grow, and letting me fail. I think I'd like to work for you for a really long time if you will let me.

I'm grateful to work for a Christian organization. I'm grateful that my entire attitude towards work has changed because of it. It's changed why I get out of bed in the morning. It's changed my work ethic. It's changing my reactions. It's changing my habits. When you work for a "Christian" branded organization, the expectation is set for you to act like Christ at all times, and everywhere you turn is someone who believes that you are capable of that high calling. Every leader here sets that example and shows me how it's done on a day to day basis. When you operate out of that expectation, every interaction with every person is an opportunity to practice what we preach. Every conversation a chance for me to steer the conversation towards Christ. Every moment an opportunity to show grace, to demonstrate love, to be patient, to act with humility. It's fantastic.

The Bible says to be filled with gratitude, overflowing at all times. I didn't think that was something that came naturally to me. I read it, but didn't truly believe it as a fact and an achievable reality. I didn't walk around a bundle of thankfulness. I wasn't able to muster up a spirit of positive gratitude on all occasions. I actually thought that by nature, I was a criticizer and a grumbler. But being here has opened my eyes and shown me that there is another way possible. A better way is possible.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Colossians 3:15

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Colossians 4:2

Being a big believer in the promises found in God's word, I would challenge you to try it for one day. You don't have to work for a Christian organization to practice gratitude. Be grateful and then sit back and be amazed. I was.

As I finish my thoughts for the day, Minnie Pearl used to use one last famous exit line, and I feel the need to do the same... so in her words... and now in mine... remember... "I love you so much it hurts!" 

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I'm so blessed to be surrounded by really great people here. It seems that foreigners working in the same geographic area must have a magnetic radar for one another, as I've been meeting tons of other American missionaries serving here. Some new friends of mine have a really cool thing going on and I'm proud to be a fan of their ministries.

Casey & Sarah Prince are technically some of my small group leaders, but they do oh' so much more! Sarah is the associate pastor at the local township Methodist church where she regularly teaches, preaches and leads bible studies in her home for the women in Ocean View. Casey runs Ubuntu Sports ministry working with young male athletes leading them to Christ, and to successful football championships! These busy folks also are the youth leaders at their church and have a precious 2 year old to keep them on their toes.

But here's why I am a real fan of their work; because I could never do what they do. I certainly can't coach junior high boys in soccer and I don't have a seminary degree, so it works out so much better for me to be a nurse and for them to follow their callings! You might start to think that Someone actually set it up to work that way :) It's awe inspiring to watch people do what they were meant to be doing. I'm so grateful to get to witness, that when we all function in the way that we were designed to in the body of Christ, lives get transformed.

Casey & Sarah's story is just one of the many that I'm encountering here, but all the stories have the same theme: Go do what you were meant to do! People's lives are depending on it.

Check them out:
www.caseyandsarahafrica.blogspot.com
www.ubuntusports.org

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Nadine is the hilarious character of a chef that works at the Teamhouse. Known for speaking her mind and for good hugs she's a fun loving lady who likes to hike and spend time with her boys and has the craziest accent you have ever heard. I've enjoyed spending some free time with her when we can and she's been a great person to show me around the hiking trails of Cape Town. Although we haven't known each other for very long, one particular area of her life has had a great impact on mine. 


The first time I was ever in her kitchen, I noticed a small handwritten note on the refrigerator door. On it was written a personal motto of hers... 


It's a kind of a revolutionary statement if you think about it. As far as I know, Nadine hasn't recently declared her intentions to save the world, but she can cook! She makes dinner every night for the mission teams that come here, and although her cooking really is quite legendary... isn't it just food? There one minute, gone the next right? Does it really make a difference in people's lives? Does her food matter to God? Does what you "do" matter to God? 


May I suggest to you that it does matter. Nadine has taught me that it doesn't matter what job you do, it matters how you do it. Whether you know it or not, your life has weight. You matter. Your time matters. Your effort matters. 


What if we all lived life according to Nadine's motto? What if we got out of bed in the morning aiming for that lofty goal in our work lives and personal lives? What if we did everything on time, as good as it should be and with happiness on our faces and in our hearts? What affect would that have on us and the people around us? 


What if no matter what we do for a living, we lived to work this way? 


I think we could change the world... 

Everyday life here is one-big-giant contradiction. It's a head-on meeting of normal and really, really, not-normal. Truly, the intersection of realities here will stop you in your tracks and take your breath away.

Normal: I get up, work-out, shower, put on some makeup and do my hair, have my coffee, read my Bible, check my e-mail and get in my car to drive to work. I drive with the radio blasting to my favorite songs while applying lip gloss. It's my little world, and except for a few minor inconveniences, it feels pretty much like my life in the States. And then I get to work...

Not normal: I walk into work with people whose lives are being slowly ripped into pieces everyday by poverty. My co-workers are not any less immune to the effects of poverty than anyone else in the townships. I've been working for the past month with some of our home based carers in one of the townships, and walking beside them everyday, I see the difficulty of their lives and hear the hardship of their stories. Grace* has just lost her shack/home to a fire and lost everything she owns in it. Angela's* 17 year old daughter is pregnant and they can barely feed the mouths they have now. Pam* made some extremely bad financial choices in taking out loans and credit and is financially devastated, begging every person she meets for spare change even though she has a steady job and an income, which is more than most can say. Nan* has TB for the third time. I watched as Flora's* son was shot at and then arrested in the street yesterday in front of the whole neighborhood for dealing drugs. None of them had a hot shower this morning. None had a warm breakfast. Every one of them walked to work this morning. It's highly likely that they had no heat and that their shack roof leaked last night.

So what am I supposed to do about all of that? How am I supposed to live at the intersection of normal and not normal? I am the "sister" in charge after all. And I'm white. And I have the higher education. And I'm from America and I'm a "missionary" so I must have all the answers right? Right?

Can I tell you something? I do not have answers. I'm not gifted any differently than you are. I'm not any braver than you are and I certainly don't have more faith. Being designated a "missionary" is just a title. That title does not magically give me insight into sharing Christ or fixing poverty.

What can I give these women that God has brought into my life for just a short time?

What am I investing here?

I can only give what I have. My heart. My tears. My smile. My hugs. My prayers. My education. My time. A listening ear. Transparency. My faith.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells us that it is a fact that we have all been richly invested in by God. Thankfully, we are only responsible for the portion assigned to us, but using what we have been given is NOT optional. We are instructed to "go at once" and put our skills to work. I just wasn't taking my responsibility seriously before now. I was like the scared servant in the parable, that kept his talent to himself. I was afraid of what you might think of me. I was afraid to fail. And in my comfortable life and paralyzing fear, the investments God made to me in faith, were wasting away becoming totally worthless.

So then, when I took on the job title of "missionary", it felt like I came out of the proverbial "closet" of Christianity. Because of the "big step" I took, suddenly I am aware that people are watching me. Suddenly I am aware that they have expectations of how a "missionary" should behave. But you know what? As a follower of Christ, I should have been aware of that all along. I didn't have to move to Africa to invest my talent and time wisely, and to give what I have. Geography doesn't change the condition of your heart. I could have been doing that at my old job. I could have been a better steward of my co-workers there. I could have taken the talents God gave me in Tennessee and put them to work. 

So now, here I am... all of my talents and time and gifts and skills and personality and experiences... all my eggs in one basket. No going back. And I show up to work every morning along-side these women with only what has been given to me. And I ask the same of them. Nothing more, nothing less. And I keep trusting in the One who gave me talent. And I believe that He didn't invest in me for nothing. And I trust that it's worth the risk. And I wait in hope to see the return on God's investment in me. 


Don't do what I did. Don't wait to take responsibility for the talent God has given you. Discern your God given potential and go live it! I promise you it's worth it!

*names changed

So... like many things in South Africa, receiving packages is a little difficult. If you are going to mail me something, it seems that the cheapest way to get it here is inside of a manila bubble mailer. South Africa charges me a "duty" fee for all packages received on my end so to make it cheaper on all of us here are some tips: 


1. When you mail it to SA it is called an "international parcel."
2. You must fill out a green customs form.
3. When they ask you detailed description of items DO NOT give extensive details. (ie) If you mailed me a North Face coat you don't want to put the brand or type...just put "jacket." 
4. If you mail me food don't mark perishable or it will never get here. 
5. No matter the actual value of the items don't mark a value down. Just leave it blank or put a VERY small dollar amount (like $3, $5, $7)
6. Don't bother paying for insurance on it. No matter what goes in the parcel, USPS will not reimburse for more than $250 US dollars and the reimbursement to you is automatic if they lose it. 
7. Mark "OTHER" not "gift". They charge me more if it's a "gift."


Other than all of that :) Mail away! 




Love to all- Ames

"Open Day" is the term we use around here for a community wide event that allows people to get to know what Living Hope does in their own communities. We have at least one general open day per year in each community, and then special interest open days in between. The yearly Open Day includes a comprehensive health check as well as games, raffles, food, music and opportunities to be prayed for. This is a great way for people that don't have routine access to medical care to get a yearly check-up and be referred for follow up as necessary. These Open Days are usually very well attended and we enjoy seeing everyone come out for them!



This year in the Ocean View township, we offered free eye screening, health screening, blood pressure checks, blood sugar testing, and HIV testing. Lots of great nursing things for me to do, including doing finger pricking and blood sampling for HIV testing.



While HIV testing is a vital part of what we do, I'm sure you can imagine that this is not everyone's favorite job duty. Not everyone, including trained and hired medical professionals, are eager to put themselves in close proximity to someone with HIV due to the risk of accidental exposure, albeit an extremely low risk. There have been many times that the assigned nurse hasn't even bothered to show up on the day that we do the testing just to get out of having to do that job. Obviously, that attitude might not be the right attitude, but at some point we all have been guilty of looking out for ourselves over others, so I'm learning not to throw stones. Sometimes nursing is gross. And hard. And messy. And maybe even dangerous. And sometimes we do cringe internally or hold back that feeling in our stomach, but that's what we are called to do as nurses, and even more than that, as Christians! (I'm sure leprosy wasn't any more popular of an area of care back in Jesus' day either!) So all of that to say, I didn't mind when I was assigned to do the finger pricks for HIV testing and I actually enjoyed getting to spend that time with the clients. What I enjoyed about cancer care in my previous job, was making scary things less scary, and I found that same enjoyment in counseling and testing clients for HIV. It was a great opportunity for me to demonstrate equality in the way I treat patients with kindness without the shame or stigma that usually comes along with HIV testing.



In general, I found most people to be way more laid back than I had been prepped for regarding the entire testing process. Most people were quite calm and prepared for their testing, which to me, is a sign that HIV testing is becoming more widely accepted. I was so proud to see several of the local lay leaders of the community publicly step forward to be tested, setting the good example for others, and several of our LH staff as well! I'm also thrilled to report that all of the people tested that day were HIV negative, which is great news!



In the interest of keeping it real around here and passing on valuable insights for those that might follow in my footsteps, we only had one small incident occur during a client's test. One of the pipettes malfunctioned during testing, and I got a small amount of blood splashed into my eye... BUT thankfully, the client was HIV negative and I managed to keep my cool despite freaking out on the inside. We of course immediately washed my eye out, reported the malfunction to the manufacturer, and I now know exactly how to take better precautions for the next time which is a very valuable lesson. (ie) Wear goggles and a mask always!

(By the way, just so you don't freak out, the chances of contracting HIV from a positive splash in the eye with a large amount of blood is less than 0.1% and I only had a very tiny amount of negative blood, so not to worry! If the client had been positive I could have taken prophylactic treatment, so there is much to be grateful for.)
I loved our Open Day, and I'm jazzed about the next one this coming Saturday on the main campus, which is open to ALL the communities! Hoping for a great turnout and more good results! Maybe I'll see some of you locals there!

And I'll cry if I want to.

Things have been a little harder lately. Not bad hard, but more challenging/difficult hard.

It's way more fun to blog about the lighthearted/quirky stuff, mostly because the light stuff isn't as gut-level honest.

I'm not sure when/how/if I'm supposed to admit that I'm homesick, but I am.

I'm not doubting my calling or wishing I WAS home, but after 2 1/2 months, I definitely miss the ease, comfort and convenience of the good ole' US of A.

But you know what I'm grateful for? That the hard stuff is also the good stuff. I know deep down in my heart, that this is GOOD for me. God has been more than faithful. I am learning so much. God is teaching me so much and His Word is sustaining me, which is what I prayed for!

It's a commitment that isn't easy. But sometimes easy doesn't equal better.

My pastor said this weekend that the key to his success in his entire ministry has only been to memorize one verse of the Bible and then repeat to himself 6,000 times a day.


So that's my plan for today. God is good. He is on the throne. His kingdom IS coming. And I get to be a part of it, IF I don't give up!

Thanks for your prayers!

Our neighborhood has 24-hour security guards. A few friendly Zimbabwean men staff the guard house about 40 feet from my back door and they are generally familiar with all the comings and goings of everyone in the neighborhood. Each night after dark the security guards close the main entry gate and you have to show ID to get past. Every night when a car approaches, they run out of the gate house to check IDs, open the gate for residents, and then run back in to monitor the security cameras.


Our house is on the corner, so it's driveway technically sits "before" the gate, which means that every night when I drive in, the guard comes running out to let me in the main gate and then has to run right back into the guard house when I swing a sharp right into our driveway, instead of the next sharp right onto the main road, making his 80 foot roundtrip run totally worthless.


I always feel bad for his wasted trip, so a few weeks ago I started flashing my lights at him when I'm coming down the road so he would know it was me and then he would know not to come out.


I'm happy to report that after a few nights of this routine my little plan worked! Now each and every night, me and my new friend, the unnamed security guard, have a system worked out.  Right after I flash my lights, he just sticks his head out to wave at me and watches to make sure I get into the house okay. And I gotta tell you, it puts a smile on my face every night.


Sometimes it's just nice to be known. Being known is what makes a place feel like home, even if it's the unnamed security guard :)


I think I'll call him Joe.  And tomorrow Joe will get some cookies. And tomorrow I will find out his real name. And tomorrow night I will look forward to his familiar wave letting me know that I'm home.

Do you remember the Lankford's I blogged about here? Last night Joey told me a sweet story about their family that made my heart melt.  

As he was tucking 3-year-old Baron into bed the other night, he prayed with Baron as he always does. In Joe's prayer that night he said: